The Angel's Wish

by Lena Cavalcanti

The word ‘unbelievable’ would’ve been what crossed her mind if she wasn’t a young, and rather persistent, lady in waiting living in the 'Great British Empire' who always wanted what was out of reach. You see, sadly the truth is that when it came down to that subtle fact, it was indeed very believable. However it’s not as though she would let that end her vigorous efforts, in fact, she made it her mission to obliterate such a notion, or at least, she had.

Now her legs ached and her stomach gave a low curling moan as her mind shifted gears and she headed back for home. As far as any stranger could tell, what this strange and childish girl wanted was to wear trousers and smoke cigars and parade around telling others that the ladies of England needed equal treatment to men in every respect known to society. In a numb-minded stranger’s eyes she was a raving suffragist, and what’s more a threat to the city of London.

But they would be wrong, because what Adeline Ale really considered herself to be was bored, and what she wanted was something to do outside of her own home that either involved the company of others, or the credibility of a book. Both of which, as was noted, were undoubtedly out of reach at the moment.

As she made her way down the coblestoned roads she occupied her mind in the puddles made where the carriage wheels wore-away the street. She made a game of counting each one she passed until the scale of her numbers conscientiously took her off the main road and down a corner she hadn't yet bothered to explore. It turns out that you can get very easily lost that way, or at the very least, forget the particular direction in which you began walking in. Civilized people keep their curiosity from taking control of situations like this, they don't stray off the beaten path, and they certainly don't spend their time wondering what it must be like to be a small patch of water in a wide stretch of land. As one can probably already gather Adeline was not one of these people, but she also wasn't a fool.

She was well aware of the fact that it must've been at least half past noon by now, and she could almost imagine the form  of a twisted lanky shadow following her suit. Despite that, Adeline didn't particularly mind, there wasn't any real urgency in getting back to the university, even if it meant that Thomas would have to stand at her window a half an hour longer than he would've preferred. She pitied him quite honestly, he clung onto friends with horrible self setting standards, friends who made him wait on a dull Sunday. He held onto people who were impolite, he had gluttonous friendships, he was much too good to tag along with someone so awfully self-centered, so selfish.

The thought halted her, selfish, yes, that was the word for it. A selfish brat, that's what she was, and the realization felt almost as though it were a gag reflex. Such a word acted as though it were bait at that moment, rotting flesh for crows and maggots to swarm upon as she began to hear the hushed tones of their voices again. Her keepers were hungry for bloodied water. They echoed the phrase like a seashell would the ocean, creating a lapsing mantra as though it were a monotonous caw over and over in the back of her mind. Their noise ricocheted itself through her very bones.

Selfish bitch, stupid whore ,stupid selfish bitch, selfish, stupid, selfish, selfish, stupid, selfish, bitch.

Adeline wanted to scream, to claw her head open, to do something, anything for them to shut up, but a lass it was hopeless. They'd cease when they felt the need to, telling them off would do no good any how's. You cannot be afraid of something that isn't really there, or at least that's what she would've liked to believe. Slowly she knelt in the empty street listening to them yammer along, their voices becoming elongated and slow so that she could be sure to remember every nasty variation.

A selfish little whore, too stupid for words, unreasonable bitch, just like your mother...

The last line was what ultimately drew her tears, she wasn't one for crying, but it didn't strike her as odd to have such a thing affect her so severely. It stung like salt in a festering wound and made her want to wretch in the middle of the street, but as swiftly as the chorus of  her keepers voices came in their raspy whispers, they became garbled and decayed in the same measure. Such an attack may have left her weeping silently for an eternity's worth, but it also may have only really been 10 minutes at the most, regardless how long she remained kneeling has no dire significance, because eventually she stood upright on her own two feet again.

Silently she wiped the salty remnants out of her eyes, sniffed 4 times, and shook the strands of hair that were once clinging to her cheeks out of her face. When Adeline had finished composing herself she carefully extracted a small coin purse from the depths of her corset (where despite her best interest she sometimes carried things minuet enough to be manageable) and opened the clasp. Sure enough, there were only about 3 shillings left after having to leave the rest to her father for his carriage into town that evening, but she supposed it would suffice.

Taking the first two into her hand Adeline scanned the rundown street, searching for another puddle until she spotted one further down the road. In tentative steps she made her way their and upon reaching it let one coin fall from her from her grasp. She then stood it edge a moment longer, taking giving the wish time to form among her thoughts before it came clearly into view.It was made for Thomas of course, and for him she requested a more reliable companion. Someone who would never ask him to wait longer than he should, someone who could make a skeptic  genuinely smile, because she couldn't be that person, no matter how hard she tried.

Upon locating the second water made land fill her next wish was made for her father, the man who raised her despite all odds without her mother. She asked for him to find peace after all this time, to stop taking blame for a nearly faultless tragedy and to remember the man he once was. The one who told her stories of the gods, goddesses, and hermaphrodites alike without a care in the world. The one who taught her to question everything everyday without hesitation, even if only for the sake of bothering everyone else. All she wanted for him now was the joy he once held in his very being, and if that were really too much to ask, then at the very least she would want for him to remember the ideals of his clever mind that seemed to be ever-present in their lives a long while ago.

When Adeline was down to her last shilling she realized what needed to be done. After finding the last little pool of murky brown moisture in front of a large center wall, she clutched the silver disc to her breast a took in a long breath. Her final wish was her own, but in comparison to the others, it seemed like a small favor. It was that of a puddle to a river, a small patch of water in a wide stretch of land, and unlike her walk home, it was more urgent than she would've liked to confess. As the coin shimmered upon the surface of her palm, she pleaded with the universe to give her a reason to be happy again. It didn't have to be grandiose in size or rationale, but it did have to exist, otherwise what was the point of going on the way she was? Why should she continue living if there was nothing for her to look forward to? Would it not be better for everyone if she was completely out of the picture? If she was really so selfish, so awful, why did anyone need her? She needed the answer to one, if not all of these questions by the time next summer came around and no later than that, without them she knew what would have to be done, and so slowly she let her last shilling leave her.

Now one must realize that there is a certain effect known as sonder in the perception of the human psyche, the realization that every stranger lives their life as vividly as you might your own. They have thoughts, feelings, and hardships as difficult and tireless as anyone else's. Your story and theirs live simultaneously with one another, but are also directly parallel from each other. It is only until we as humans find some middle ground, some meeting point that our existences collide with each others and we become part and parcel of the essence of the people surrounding us. It may not be a simple concept to comprehend, but one can easily take into account that everyday we experience such a profound understanding of that subject when we pass a stranger on the street, it is just that we do not conscientiously take it into consideration. It certainly wasn't coursing through Adeline's mind as she dropped the shilling until the very last minute, when a pair of dirty, bleeding arms outstretched towards her and shoved her into an indented corner of the building beside her. In that moment her head flooded with such a notion, as she came face to face with a boy whose bony body had seen better days, but whose eyes gleamed so brightly their emerald, no, chartreuse color that she thought perhaps one could forget who they were by staring into them long enough. A boy whose face, she would learn, may have always carried anguish and fear wherever he went, but whose heart always had the will to continue onward. A boy who learned to live with a name so heinous in the nature, yet so lovingly ironic to his very core. Malefactor, yes, her Malefactor, and so then one can assume that before the coin even fell into the water, Adeline's wish had been granted...well sort of.